The other weekend. I was in a somewhat awkward position. Being naked and all fours I was waiting for my ex (the Virgo) to walk in and pleasure me. The same ex whom around this time last year left me again for the second time in a row. The reasoning for the second time being that it was to be with their ex again. A horror story as old as time. A year later and now they’re in an open relationship. On many accounts sleeping with him is pathetic. I mean come one the guy leaves me twice? And still hits me up while being in a relationship with the same man he left me for? I should know better! I sure deserve better! Alas, as the economy sinks further down this recession, so does my sex life. So I took what I can get. From the moment he entered and began caressing me with his kisses. All inhibitions evaporated. Leaving just our sexual energy and my body for him to explore. Making me wonder, maybe pleasuring him isn’t the worst idea.
I’m not sure what is in the air but men have become completely useless. In my recent experience over the last year. The simple act of a booty-call is now an obstacle to trudge through. From late texts, to actions not matching words. Men seemingly now are either too lazy or scared or hell even both to have sex. My girlies and I have all suffered late nights with no reply. Being douched for nothing is one of the most annoying type of nights to have. In the last year since dating that Virgo I have yet to be satisfied by any man’s effort of being inside me. It never quite gets me there. Not even their oral tactics bring anything to arise in me. Yet, you get me to top and I can more than deliver. I love to penetrate don’t get me wrong. But when you can get everyone off and you’re not experiencing the same. Well…to say being frustrated would be an understatement.
I’m tired of trying to entertain a new man every time I want someone to make me bloom! So yes, I didn’t block the Virgo’s number. He said he wanted to fuck and with very little hesitation, so I said yes. Apart of me wanted to say no because sex is not that important. But who I am kidding? I do have a decent size sexual appetite. I’m young, hot, sexy, and single. Of course I want sex at least once or twice a week. But for the love of the stars it is so hard to find a guy who knows what he’s doing back there. Unfortunately the Virgo has a degree in backdoor physiology. The screams and lip-biting that man brings out in me is an annoyance because of just how damn good it is.
Why is it that the shittest men have the best sex? Why can’t a man whose very moral and pure of heart also rock my world between the sheets? They’re out there somewhere. I guess I have to use a “bat signal” to bring them in. But in the current moment it’s just so easy to go back to what I know. Back to what will always say “yes”. It’s an energy that has very few rivals within my sexual past. I should know better, being 26 I should have learned this lesson. Yet, I revel in the exuberance of it all. I know it’s not the smartest. But dare I not say stupid. As I don’t believe this is anything more than what we’re doing. We’re just two animals riddled with desire who are satisfying a need, a physical one. I do not see myself as idiotic for engaging in euphoric fornication because to me, he is and will be nothing more.
Just a man with a good dick whose sex makes me feel like a Janet Jackson song. Yet, like any good song. There is an end. Once it is over and I have reached my climax. I make sure he gets his ass up and leaves. Once he’s gone, the sexual chemistry dissipates. I’m left physically satisfied. I’m still left to ponder, is this worth it.
So I slept with him one more. As if rehearsed the hookup followed the same pattern as before. Almost every note was repeated from the previous encounter. I was satisfied physically yet again, but this time I felt different internally. Instead of some type of relief of pent up sexual frustration there was an absence, a void. An emptiness was all I felt. Confusing me as it was the same as before, physically it was just as titillating but spiritually I felt almost hindered.
I also recently learned in my astrology class that in ancient teachings of astrology that if both parties do not cum or you do not feel fulfilled afterwards then it is bad sex. A ill-placed Venus can indicate this. Which just so happens to be my case (6th House Sag Venus). That placement was basically illuminating after this last encounter. As the 6th house is the house of misfortune, sleeping with my ex made me realize this is an afflicted situation.
Like I said I know better and I’m not dumb. I just now realize that even if it the sex is amazing, it is not enough. He is still who he is at the end of the day. He cannot change what he did to me nor can I ever forget. No matter how loud the sounds of ecstasy were, they cannot drown out the truth that is shouting in my head. That he is, kind of a loser. A man who can’t let go and can’t realize the fucked moral position he’s put me in. A man like that does not the pleasure of my naked body. It is a gift from the stars and he has no nobility to be worthy of it.
So his number and messages and have been deleted, I haven’t heard from since then nor do I plan to. So again I continue the search for sexual completion. Thankfully it is not a priority, I have too much to think about. Just let this be the last time I ever fuck with a Virgo man again.
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