Sometimes I still get confused with what to write on here. I am a writer (saying this everyday so I can believe it) but I get so lost in the idea of what defines a writer that I refuse to accept that title for myself. It’s a crazy thing to realize because it should be a simple idea to accept. I write so therefore I am writer. To be honest though it’s not even being called a writer, it’s the whole idea of identifying as a creative that shutters me to the core. Getting older everyday I’m forced with the realization that this is my only life and I can live it however I want. Being whomever I see fit to me. Being known as a creative has always been a fantasy but ending there, just being a fantasy. But leave it to a girl’s night filled with bong rigs to make you realize that the only thing keeping me from identifying as a creative…is me.

I guess you can say it’s always about me hehe. No I kid kid (but not really I love attention). Even though I love attention I never thought I could allow the attention to be on my artistic abilities. I always wanted to be known as an artist! I envied the kids who were growing up. Those who were close with the art teachers, performing in plays or entering art competitions. I was jealous and befriended them to live vicariously through them. But I am not a kid anymore. I am a grown up (sort of, kind of) I can choose either to live in envy or spread my wings and try this living as a creative thing out.

What does that look like? I haven’t the foggiest idea but writing all this down does seem like a good place to start. I even signed up for an artist showcase where, for the only 3rd time in my life I am performing my poems. Am I terrified? To that I say, is an elephant heavy? It’s not the eyes staring in anticipation of what I’m gonna say. It’s the vision of having my art be bad. Now I will be the first time to admit that my writings and poems are not to the same caliber as they were when I was full enmeshed with my creativity. That was a different time in my life, more specifically when I wasn’t drowning in debt and dealing with all the constraints of being an adult. It’s time to face the music and accept that to be a creative is to accept that my art can and will be bad.

An obvious truth of course! However take into account I grew up as a student D1 athlete who was never expected to get lower than an 85 in any class or ever ask for a sub in any game. Yes I know my upbringing sounds cliche. I am a product of suburbia what can I say? To mess up and be bad was never acceptable. Now I will say that the pressure did form me into the diamond you see today who can take a heavy load and still shine! But through those years of heat and pressure I have been programmed to never allow cracks to manifest nonetheless show! Even as a write this I still have this thought that “Oh My Stars, THIS IS NOT GOOD!”. Such a nuisance that negative voice never shuts up. A voice that I know is not uncommon, we all have one. They’re not a person we would ever want to be around yet I find myself constantly confabulating with them. A cycle that I am hoping dissolves and subsides as I embrace my inner artist.

Not sure where I was going with this but I guess this was my way of saying; I, Luna Angel, am an artist and will be seen to the world as such. I am a poet, jewelry maker, fashion designer, blogger, painter and more! At this stage of my life I want more, not in terms of material gain but in spiritual and emotional growth. I don’t want to wake up when I’m on my last day and think my god I didn’t do any of the things I wanted.

And to further this journey I will let you know a little secret of mine. It is a lifelong passion of mine to be in fashion. I didn’t go to school for it but I shouldn’t let that stop me. I dress like your favorite character from any TV show or movie. My closet is extensive and I can muster up an outfit for any occasion. And you know why? BECAUSE I HAVE AMAZING TASTE. Now will you ever see me in Vogue? No because that’s my choice and I refuse to ever work with that fuck ass bob (ifykyk). I want to be fashion in my own way, whether that is just being a fashion icon for my every changing style. Or maybe one day opening up my own fashion haus, who knows? I might even live a life of creating the most elaborate fashion shows. I have my whole life to do so. But if my creativity is going to lead my life then my fashion will be standing in the spotlight.

If you read all of this, congrats! You now know some of the inner workings of my mind. I will end this blog entry with one of the most iconic movie quotes of modern times to express how my inner artist feels, “PLEASE I AM A STARRRR”